Thank you!

Just wanted to say thanks for stopping by. Any given day can be a different emotion. You'll never know what to expect. Things can be humurous one day and a deep thought the next. The point is to share my heart and thoughts with others. Hope you enjoy, and can find understanding, peace, laughter, and joy through what I write.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Today's the Day!!

I love weddings!  The excitement.  The planning.  The details.  The anticipation of walking down the aisle and seeing your love at the end.  Walking slowly for everyone to see you and soak in, but wishing you could run.  The smiles through all of the tears of happiness.  Saying "I Do."  It's such a special day, one that I love to relive in my mind, through pictures, and watching the videos with my family. 

On that day we see nothing but HOPE, Golden Days, and Silver lined clouds.  Gum drops fall from the sky and everything is sure to be candy coated.  We know there will be days of trials, heart aches at times, sickness, and lack of money; but we push it all aside and see only golden streets of blissfulness. 

Ten years later........to the day, and really almost the time.

I'm sitting here in bed with my special someone...................................  :)


My Junebug is beside me, sick.  We had a long night last night.  Throw up on the couch, floor, and car this morning (thankfully I was prepared with a bowl).  Fever of 103.3, it might have reached 104, I can't remember.  The day I had planned to the T for my 10th anniversary. 
I knew my husband would be out of town, that's not a problem.  I would've loved to have had him here; but I had planned a whole day for myself and a girlfriend.  We were going to have lunch and shop.  I don't do that normally, and thought it would be nice.  I'm a little bummed, to be honest; but reality........I don't mind at all.

My Junebug doesn't want me to leave his side.  He just ate for the first time today and is starting to perk up.  There's nothing like someone wanting you, even if they're sick; especially when it's your kids.  If you would've asked me this time yesterday, I could've told you that when I walked in the room he would tell me to leave.  He would cry for Daddy, and not want me at all.  It's heart breaking, and it hurts.  But what hurts more, is seeing them in pain.  Even when they are in 3rd grade, they still can't put into words what they feel; they can only act out just like they did when they were babies.

You know, if we knew the hard times that lay ahead for us in marriage; how many of us would take the plunge?  How many of us would opt for running instead?  It's not being naive, when all you see is roses on your wedding day, I think it's a protection.  If you knew all that's ahead, you wouldn't jump into the BEST thing that could ever happen to you in life!!  You wouldn't jump into having a Best friend for LIFE, or being a MOM!

I love being a Mom, even on days when they don't want you there.  You know why?  Because when they're asleep, they always look like your baby again, and if you curl up with them, they will always cuddle with you.  There's nothing like that in the world. 

So, do I wish my day were different today?  Yes, I wish my Junebug wasn't sick and at school and able to go to football tonight.  As for all the other stuff, NO.  I'm perfectly happy laying in bed next to my Junebug.  It's not glamorous today.  I'm not treating myself, but I'm treating my family to memories.  That's better than new clothes. 

To my boys:
I thank God every day for you both.  There is nothing I like more than your kisses and hugs.  Even when you fight, it brings a little laughter deep down.  You're mine and your daddy's.  We are a family.  You are everything I could ever wish and hope for.  I LOVE YOU!!  Today, I married your daddy 10 years ago.  It was such a special day, with so many memories.  Some sweet, a lot of them laughable.  Here we are 10 years later, and today I can say that you both have given me memories.  Some sweet, a lot of them laughable, all of them unforgettable! 

To my husband:
I am lucky to have found you.  I'm glad we can still make each other laugh, even if most of it is because of my dorkiness; at least we can laugh.  Thank you for our wonderful family.  I appreciate the way you make things important, and the traditions you have started.  Like our yearly coast trip, Spring break, and sports.  They're all memories that will last a lifetime.  I love you with everything I have.  You had me two weeks into dating, and you'll have me for the rest of your life.  You're my best friend, my husband, my love.  I love you.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I have a few thoughts running through my head tonight.  Things I have been setting on for a little while.
1.  Is it better to be fooled and never know, or to know and not know how to feel?  Either way, in the end the truth is revealed and you have to figure out how you feel. 
2.  How do you reach out to someone when your hand has been chopped off from caring?  How do you care for someone when your heart has been crushed repeatedly?  How do you love for someone when you find that you have no more tears?  It all comes from God.  Only He can regenerate your hands, only he can revive your heart, and only he can refresh your tears.  It's a simple answer, but so hard to take hold of and believe for at times.  It makes no sense and is hard to comprehend, but it's the only REAL answer.
3.  How long do you have to be alone on your own before anyone sees you?  Or cares?  I don't know.  That's in God's timing.  It's not for us to understand, but we have to TRUST.  That's a word that I've heard a lot this weekend and has seem to be jumping in my mind.  Trust, it's a hard thing to do; especially when it's been ripped from you.  Trust...Trust.
4.  Why is it easier to lash out at someone and hurt them, than to restrain ourselves and turn the other cheek?  Because the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. (Matthew 26:41)  Another version calls the flesh the body. On any account when we spew things at people we are allowing our body/flesh to take hold of us, instead of letting our spirit take the situation and put it into God's hands.  This verse isn't just for sexual temptation but for all types of temptation.  Let me ask you, is it easier to speak your mind or to hold it?  It's easier of course, it's off your chest.  Do you usually feel better or worse for doing so?  Do you get to take it back?  NO.  Do you get to make it right?  If the person you gave it to is willing.  In all situations, we need to guard our bodies, to not fall into this.  It starts in our hearts, and works it's way to our minds and into our flesh. 

Matthew 26:41 falls right in line with where I am at tonight. 
Matthew 26:41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
I have gone through a very trying situation a few years back.  I remember people saying how well I was handling it.  I thought then, it's the only logical way for me to handle it.  Just give it to God.  It seems like it was so easy to do in that instance.  Now I am faced with another trial, that really has nothing to do with me; but it has hit very close to my heart.  Why am I having a harder time with this than what I did with my own trial?  I don't get it, I don't understand.  Maybe because in my situation my forgiveness was for someone who I felt, at the time, didn't have other options.  I don't know.  And in this instance now, I feel the person knew what was right and what was wrong.  They chose wrong.  We all make mistakes, we ALL do!  I know this, I've made plenty of my own.  I'm just having a really hard time with this.  I'm struggling with decisions made, hearts that have been shattered on all sides.  I'm hurting for everyone in this situation, and I pray that somehow God will open the eyes of one for them to see that people care.  I'm not trying to judge, I'm trying to care; and all along I feel I've been pushed aside because I just don't measure up or am good enough.  I care for these people.  Everyone!!  It stretches further than this mistake.  I don't know what I've done to be shunned and looked down on.  I don't know what I've said for no one to care.  I just know that I do have something to say.  What I have to say may seem harsh, but it's sincere and it's coming from love.  It's coming from a crushed heart, a severed hand, and dry tear ducts.  I don't know what more to give.  God open our eyes to see each other, and to love.  Let our spirits be weak and our flesh strong!  If our spirit is strong You, God, can move and begin to restore.  Make our spirits strong, and let your love saturate us.  It's the only way we can move forward with restored relationships.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

It's Amazing

Tonight as I was putting my boys to bed they said, "Mom, will you read us a little bit more of the Bible?"
I climbed in.  We had just finished reading Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, and next was Song of Solomon.  Not that there is anything wrong with Song of Solomon, lovers should express themselves, just not right now for bed time reading with Mom.  So I turned to the back and there was 2 Timothy.
It's amazing how God knows what you need to hear and read, and when.  2 Timothy is a book about keeping your faith, guarding yourself, standing firm, and trusting in what you can't see when others want you to just give up.  Wow!!  Anyone who knows me, knows that I've been dealing with ALL of this this year!!!!
I've got to be honest, it gets tiring, but what keeps me going is knowing what my prize will be in the end.  Pure happiness!
Here's what 2 Timothy has to offer just on the points I mentioned above:

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, love, and of self-discipline (sound mind).  So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prionser (the Apostle Paul).  But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God." 2 Timothy 1:7-8
-Sure!  I know everyone wants to jump on the band wagon of suffering.  Isn't it the least we can do?  If Jesus, unselfishly died for us so we could have a relationship with God the Father and Creator of all things, how great is the possibility of suffering for the sake of God's love in the grand scheme of things?

"That is why I am suffering as I am.  Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." 2 Timothy 1:12
-Trusting in God may not seem like it gets you much on earth.  You'll probably get more haggles than handshakes.  But guess what?  I've got a mansion waiting for me, and a crown of jewels!  I've never been very big on jewelery, but I'll take it.  I'm also hoping for at least a shack.  Either way mansion or shack, it's gonna be awesome.  Read Revelation, and try to draw what Heaven's going to be like!!!  Not fighting, no tiredness, no tears of sadness..  I'm ready for that.

Here's a hard one to work on.  We all know we have been here at least once, but think about what God's word is telling us.
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.  Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguements, because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their sensel and escape from the trap of the devil who has taken them captive to do his will." 2 Timothy 2: 22-26
-How many times have we come across this person, or are dealing with them right now!  There always seems to be one close by.  How have we reacted to them?  Have we showed them gentleness through instruction?  Have we been kind and NOT resentful?  Do we quarrel or fight with them just for the sake of doing so?  How easy is it to just throw aside God's love and just get down right dirty and ask for forgiveness later?  I heard that phrase used a lot lately, "Just do it, and ask for forgiveness later."  Sure it's easier to give into what we want or want to do, but should we really do it if we have to ask for forgiveness afterwards?  Probably not, that's my thinking.  I know I've got to work on this.  I think this is an area all women need to work on.  If only for once we could have a tiny piece of the man's brain for this instance, how much easier would life be?!  Men can let just about anything roll off, most of the time they don't even know there's anything wrong. WOW!  Nothing wrong, ever? Really?!  Yep, that's about right.  I would love to have just 10 minutes of absolutely no thoughts running through my head!!  That's not an insult, but an actual fact; according to my husband.  Ladies, think how much peaceful ALL of our lives would be if we could just drop it and let God take it.  No, no, no...We have to fix it.  God can fix it 1,000 times better than we could ever imagine, if we just let him.  If we don't, he's got to remove all the suffocating band-aids and ace wraps, and heal those wounds, before He can get to the REAL wound.  Think about it.

I'm a little tuckered out and thinking about how nice it would be to go snuggle with my boys....  Maybe someone out there needed to read this.  Here's to hoping my food for thought can be an appetizer to a full belly of God's love!  Thanks Apostle Paul for putting it into words.  Good night.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Time for Me

Yesterday I took some time for ME.  That's how my day started.  As the day went on and ended, I realized that it wasn't a day for ME at all. 
Why as a mother is it so hard to take time for yourself?  I built myself up all week, and I really needed it.  It felt like I drudged through the day, and just wanted my ME time to be over!!  As moms we all need to take time for ourselves, but why do we feel guilty?  Let me give you a brief look into my day:

8am - Drop the kids off at school, Picture Day!!!
9:30am - Just leaving school!!  I had an opportunity to work picture day for FREE pictures.  My husband and I both discussed whether to work or not.  We said no.....Picture prices OUTRAGEOUS!!!!  Wouldn't you know it the prices spiked.
10:20am - Shop for and purchase son's football team end of season goodie bags.  Yes, I'm team mom.
11:20am - Heading to another store to finish end of season goodie bags, because the first store didn't have enough of 1 item.
11:40am - Heading to the movies to see a movie I've been wanting to see.  This is my first time to go to a movie alone.
11:50am - Silence my phone and set it in my lap, in case the school should call because onr of my boys needs to be rushed to the hospital or picked up.  (Why do we worry?)
12:30ish - The doorbell rings in the movie.....I set my stuff down and just as I'm about to pop out of my seat, I remember I'm in the movie theater and not at home.  2 minutes later I can finally focus on the movie again.
1:15pm - Check my phone for the time.  I got too relaxed in the movie and was afraid I would miss picking up the kids.
1:45pm - Check the time again.  Really?!  I picked the time of the movie I did so I didn't have to worry about being late to school to pick them up!!
1:53pm - Movie is over, I'm relieved that it's over so I'm not late.
2:00pm - Trying to figure out what to do now.  Wishing I could just go get my kids.
3:15pm - Boys are picked up, thankful to have them back.  Now I don't have to feel guilty about ME time.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?  Why do we feel guilty?  I know why.  Because those little people lived in us for 9 months.  They went everywhere with us, and felt all of our emotions.  They come out, and they depend on us.  They smile at us, they calm down at the sound of our voice.  They love us and need us.  When everything is wrong, we're the first they come to (usually).  Moms have the magic to make boo boos bearable.  We calm fears.  We lay with them when they can't sleep or are scared.  We are the perfect pillows, and we cuddle just right.  We do everythings for these little people from the day they're born, until they gain independence.  Even then, we will always be needed, even if they don't want to admit it.

I know why we feel guilty....To take time for ourselves, means we have to give up time for them.  So what if they're at school.  I could've been at home cleaning and folding clothes.  These things we do for them.  Instead, I'm at the movies, but before that..I could've been shopping for me.  What did I do?  I shopped for them.  I'm not saying I'm a super mom or unselfish.  I'm very selfish, just check with me when I'm tired!  We're all selfish, but how much  time do we REALLY take for ourselves?  The movie was really the one thing I did for me yesterday, and I was ansy just to get out of there!   

We do need to take time for us, that's the only way we can give the best to them! Next time mom, try to enjoy yourself..  I know it's hard, believe me! 
Even now, my boys are here with me waiting to cuddle.  Gotta go, I'm gonna have some ME time with my boys!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

When Life Gives You Lemons

You've heard the saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  Well, what about making it into alternative bleach instead?  What?!  You heard me right, alternative bleach.  Take those lemons and let their acidic juice squirt all over you, then add some salt (you are reading this right) and scrub it together.  Once you've done that, set in the sun to dry.  When you're dry, rinse off for a clean and beautiful you! 

I know you must think I'm crazy, but what if we did it?  It's easier to make the lemonade of course, and more fun; but what if you let those lemons clean you??  A lot of times when life is giving you lemons things are just down right dirty.  Instead of adding a coat of sugar to that lemon and drinking it down, let that lemon serve a purpose.  Sure you might feel refreshed with that lemonade, but it lasts for a moment, until you're thirsty again; and guess what?  You're still dirty from all that dirt that came with the lemon!  Take that lemon, add some salt (the Bible), and scrub it together (prayer)!!  Once you've done that, go set in the sun to dry!  Let God's love and His words soak through you and bask in Him.  He's got it covered no need to worry!  Although, this is always easier to do than not, (worry), but you have to work at it sometimes.  Enjoy the rays.  Just close your eyes and bask in the sun.  Take deep breaths, breath out slowly while you're waiting to dry, and feel that warmth touch your skin and pull out that dirt.  When the drying time is done, go rinse off that dirt.  You'll be amazed to see something beautiful looking back at you, once all that dirt's been alternatively bleached out of you!  No need for harsh abrasive chemicals here to clean you up!  You can even drink it down if you'd like and it wouldn't hurt you.  A lot of times our insides need to be cleansed too..  Think about it.  Next time life throws you lemons what are you going to do with them?  I'll make BLEACH!

In case you were wondering....I came across this recipe at http://www.frugalliving.com/.  My son's football pants were ground with dirt after our football game.  We try to use as few harsh chemicals as possible in our house so I went searching the internet for an alternative.  There you go!  I got a life lesson too!!  For FREE!

To Whom It May Concern:

You have a purpose!!  We were created for more than just walking through this maze of life with nothing to find at the end.  The BIG cheese is waiting for us!!  Can you smell him? Can you taste it?  You can't see it though, and that's what makes everyone question.....is there such a thing as GOD?  Is there a possibility that someone so big would create something and someone so relatively small, and love you?!  I like to think so.  How amazing is it to think that God is watching over you and you don't even have to ask.  He sees it all.  I hope you will walk through this journey with me and see for yourself, that God is real, He loves you, and He wants the best for you.  We may not see the piece of cheese at the end, or know what's around the corner; much less take the right turns at times, but God's there waiting for us!!  Arms open wide, smiling, and cheering us on.  He sees the WHOLE picture not just the turns and dead ends.  Take a whiff of the cheese and let it guide you to the end.  So what if you find your self at a dead end, or take the wrong turn!  Turn around and walk the other way.  No one's perfect!  We all know that and can see it clearly.  A mistake is just that, a Miss-Take.  Do a Re-Take and get back on track!  Life's not a scorecard of right an wrong and whoever has the least wrong tallied by their name wins.  If you have a lot of wrongs tallied, you've probably learned alot!
Life's about finding your purpose and going after it, no matter the cost!  Share it with someone, and in doing that someone else will find their purpose.  God's contagious that way!  I hope you get the God-pox!  There's no vaccine for it.