I love weddings! The excitement. The planning. The details. The anticipation of walking down the aisle and seeing your love at the end. Walking slowly for everyone to see you and soak in, but wishing you could run. The smiles through all of the tears of happiness. Saying "I Do." It's such a special day, one that I love to relive in my mind, through pictures, and watching the videos with my family.
On that day we see nothing but HOPE, Golden Days, and Silver lined clouds. Gum drops fall from the sky and everything is sure to be candy coated. We know there will be days of trials, heart aches at times, sickness, and lack of money; but we push it all aside and see only golden streets of blissfulness.
Ten years later........to the day, and really almost the time.
I'm sitting here in bed with my special someone................................... :)
My Junebug is beside me, sick. We had a long night last night. Throw up on the couch, floor, and car this morning (thankfully I was prepared with a bowl). Fever of 103.3, it might have reached 104, I can't remember. The day I had planned to the T for my 10th anniversary.
I knew my husband would be out of town, that's not a problem. I would've loved to have had him here; but I had planned a whole day for myself and a girlfriend. We were going to have lunch and shop. I don't do that normally, and thought it would be nice. I'm a little bummed, to be honest; but reality........I don't mind at all.
My Junebug doesn't want me to leave his side. He just ate for the first time today and is starting to perk up. There's nothing like someone wanting you, even if they're sick; especially when it's your kids. If you would've asked me this time yesterday, I could've told you that when I walked in the room he would tell me to leave. He would cry for Daddy, and not want me at all. It's heart breaking, and it hurts. But what hurts more, is seeing them in pain. Even when they are in 3rd grade, they still can't put into words what they feel; they can only act out just like they did when they were babies.
You know, if we knew the hard times that lay ahead for us in marriage; how many of us would take the plunge? How many of us would opt for running instead? It's not being naive, when all you see is roses on your wedding day, I think it's a protection. If you knew all that's ahead, you wouldn't jump into the BEST thing that could ever happen to you in life!! You wouldn't jump into having a Best friend for LIFE, or being a MOM!
I love being a Mom, even on days when they don't want you there. You know why? Because when they're asleep, they always look like your baby again, and if you curl up with them, they will always cuddle with you. There's nothing like that in the world.
So, do I wish my day were different today? Yes, I wish my Junebug wasn't sick and at school and able to go to football tonight. As for all the other stuff, NO. I'm perfectly happy laying in bed next to my Junebug. It's not glamorous today. I'm not treating myself, but I'm treating my family to memories. That's better than new clothes.
To my boys:
I thank God every day for you both. There is nothing I like more than your kisses and hugs. Even when you fight, it brings a little laughter deep down. You're mine and your daddy's. We are a family. You are everything I could ever wish and hope for. I LOVE YOU!! Today, I married your daddy 10 years ago. It was such a special day, with so many memories. Some sweet, a lot of them laughable. Here we are 10 years later, and today I can say that you both have given me memories. Some sweet, a lot of them laughable, all of them unforgettable!
To my husband:
I am lucky to have found you. I'm glad we can still make each other laugh, even if most of it is because of my dorkiness; at least we can laugh. Thank you for our wonderful family. I appreciate the way you make things important, and the traditions you have started. Like our yearly coast trip, Spring break, and sports. They're all memories that will last a lifetime. I love you with everything I have. You had me two weeks into dating, and you'll have me for the rest of your life. You're my best friend, my husband, my love. I love you.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
I have a few thoughts running through my head tonight. Things I have been setting on for a little while.
1. Is it better to be fooled and never know, or to know and not know how to feel? Either way, in the end the truth is revealed and you have to figure out how you feel.
2. How do you reach out to someone when your hand has been chopped off from caring? How do you care for someone when your heart has been crushed repeatedly? How do you love for someone when you find that you have no more tears? It all comes from God. Only He can regenerate your hands, only he can revive your heart, and only he can refresh your tears. It's a simple answer, but so hard to take hold of and believe for at times. It makes no sense and is hard to comprehend, but it's the only REAL answer.
3. How long do you have to be alone on your own before anyone sees you? Or cares? I don't know. That's in God's timing. It's not for us to understand, but we have to TRUST. That's a word that I've heard a lot this weekend and has seem to be jumping in my mind. Trust, it's a hard thing to do; especially when it's been ripped from you. Trust...Trust.
4. Why is it easier to lash out at someone and hurt them, than to restrain ourselves and turn the other cheek? Because the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. (Matthew 26:41) Another version calls the flesh the body. On any account when we spew things at people we are allowing our body/flesh to take hold of us, instead of letting our spirit take the situation and put it into God's hands. This verse isn't just for sexual temptation but for all types of temptation. Let me ask you, is it easier to speak your mind or to hold it? It's easier of course, it's off your chest. Do you usually feel better or worse for doing so? Do you get to take it back? NO. Do you get to make it right? If the person you gave it to is willing. In all situations, we need to guard our bodies, to not fall into this. It starts in our hearts, and works it's way to our minds and into our flesh.
Matthew 26:41 falls right in line with where I am at tonight.
Matthew 26:41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
I have gone through a very trying situation a few years back. I remember people saying how well I was handling it. I thought then, it's the only logical way for me to handle it. Just give it to God. It seems like it was so easy to do in that instance. Now I am faced with another trial, that really has nothing to do with me; but it has hit very close to my heart. Why am I having a harder time with this than what I did with my own trial? I don't get it, I don't understand. Maybe because in my situation my forgiveness was for someone who I felt, at the time, didn't have other options. I don't know. And in this instance now, I feel the person knew what was right and what was wrong. They chose wrong. We all make mistakes, we ALL do! I know this, I've made plenty of my own. I'm just having a really hard time with this. I'm struggling with decisions made, hearts that have been shattered on all sides. I'm hurting for everyone in this situation, and I pray that somehow God will open the eyes of one for them to see that people care. I'm not trying to judge, I'm trying to care; and all along I feel I've been pushed aside because I just don't measure up or am good enough. I care for these people. Everyone!! It stretches further than this mistake. I don't know what I've done to be shunned and looked down on. I don't know what I've said for no one to care. I just know that I do have something to say. What I have to say may seem harsh, but it's sincere and it's coming from love. It's coming from a crushed heart, a severed hand, and dry tear ducts. I don't know what more to give. God open our eyes to see each other, and to love. Let our spirits be weak and our flesh strong! If our spirit is strong You, God, can move and begin to restore. Make our spirits strong, and let your love saturate us. It's the only way we can move forward with restored relationships.
1. Is it better to be fooled and never know, or to know and not know how to feel? Either way, in the end the truth is revealed and you have to figure out how you feel.
2. How do you reach out to someone when your hand has been chopped off from caring? How do you care for someone when your heart has been crushed repeatedly? How do you love for someone when you find that you have no more tears? It all comes from God. Only He can regenerate your hands, only he can revive your heart, and only he can refresh your tears. It's a simple answer, but so hard to take hold of and believe for at times. It makes no sense and is hard to comprehend, but it's the only REAL answer.
3. How long do you have to be alone on your own before anyone sees you? Or cares? I don't know. That's in God's timing. It's not for us to understand, but we have to TRUST. That's a word that I've heard a lot this weekend and has seem to be jumping in my mind. Trust, it's a hard thing to do; especially when it's been ripped from you. Trust...Trust.
4. Why is it easier to lash out at someone and hurt them, than to restrain ourselves and turn the other cheek? Because the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. (Matthew 26:41) Another version calls the flesh the body. On any account when we spew things at people we are allowing our body/flesh to take hold of us, instead of letting our spirit take the situation and put it into God's hands. This verse isn't just for sexual temptation but for all types of temptation. Let me ask you, is it easier to speak your mind or to hold it? It's easier of course, it's off your chest. Do you usually feel better or worse for doing so? Do you get to take it back? NO. Do you get to make it right? If the person you gave it to is willing. In all situations, we need to guard our bodies, to not fall into this. It starts in our hearts, and works it's way to our minds and into our flesh.
Matthew 26:41 falls right in line with where I am at tonight.
Matthew 26:41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
I have gone through a very trying situation a few years back. I remember people saying how well I was handling it. I thought then, it's the only logical way for me to handle it. Just give it to God. It seems like it was so easy to do in that instance. Now I am faced with another trial, that really has nothing to do with me; but it has hit very close to my heart. Why am I having a harder time with this than what I did with my own trial? I don't get it, I don't understand. Maybe because in my situation my forgiveness was for someone who I felt, at the time, didn't have other options. I don't know. And in this instance now, I feel the person knew what was right and what was wrong. They chose wrong. We all make mistakes, we ALL do! I know this, I've made plenty of my own. I'm just having a really hard time with this. I'm struggling with decisions made, hearts that have been shattered on all sides. I'm hurting for everyone in this situation, and I pray that somehow God will open the eyes of one for them to see that people care. I'm not trying to judge, I'm trying to care; and all along I feel I've been pushed aside because I just don't measure up or am good enough. I care for these people. Everyone!! It stretches further than this mistake. I don't know what I've done to be shunned and looked down on. I don't know what I've said for no one to care. I just know that I do have something to say. What I have to say may seem harsh, but it's sincere and it's coming from love. It's coming from a crushed heart, a severed hand, and dry tear ducts. I don't know what more to give. God open our eyes to see each other, and to love. Let our spirits be weak and our flesh strong! If our spirit is strong You, God, can move and begin to restore. Make our spirits strong, and let your love saturate us. It's the only way we can move forward with restored relationships.
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